Psychotherapy is two -- or three or more -- people sitting in a room, talking about what is wrong and figuring out how to fix it.
I give you various kinds of feedback as we talk. Sometimes I give you some information -- something you're doing seems weird to you, but actually it's pretty normal. Or I'll tell you about a particular dynamic that is common in a relatonship, that you seem to be living out, and how that works, and how you can change that. Sometimes I just ask a question, get you to focus on a part of the problem that seems important to me, but that you hadn't been paying attention to. Sometimes I tell you what I hear you saying, and that turns out to be something that once you hear it, it makes a difference. Sometimes I will tell you what a person in your situation will often find helpful, or a number of different things that can sometimes work. Sometimes I will suggest something that I think you should try doing differently. Or I will link up two different things that you have talked about, and tell you why I think they are connected, and why that's important.
Ideally, you go home and try the changes that I suggest, and come back and we talk about what worked and why, what didn't work and why, and what the next steps are. Sometimes you come back and you didn't try the thing that I suggested, and we talk about why, and we figure out if there's a better next step, or if we just didn't put together a good plan for you to do that thing.
You probably know that there are lots of theories about why people have a hard time, and how to make that better. My training is very traditional and very broad, so that I have worked with most of the major schools of psychotherapy. I came away from that with the idea that we have so many different theories, because some theories work really well for some people, and other theories for others. I don't work with a specific theory or approach, so much as I work with an individual (or couple or group) and what works for them.
So as we go along, I bring in whatever I think is most useful to you, and I adjust what I am doing as I figure out what works best for you.
I also encourage you to give me as much feedback as you can as we go along, which means that I can adjust what I am doing more effectively to be as helpful to you as possible. If you want to know what I think about something, or you want a specific suggestion, or you just think that I should talk more -- or less -- tell me. There is nothing that you can ask me or tell me that I don't want to hear. And everything that you tell me helps me do better work with you, and give you better results, which is what we both want.
I give you various kinds of feedback as we talk. Sometimes I give you some information -- something you're doing seems weird to you, but actually it's pretty normal. Or I'll tell you about a particular dynamic that is common in a relatonship, that you seem to be living out, and how that works, and how you can change that. Sometimes I just ask a question, get you to focus on a part of the problem that seems important to me, but that you hadn't been paying attention to. Sometimes I tell you what I hear you saying, and that turns out to be something that once you hear it, it makes a difference. Sometimes I will tell you what a person in your situation will often find helpful, or a number of different things that can sometimes work. Sometimes I will suggest something that I think you should try doing differently. Or I will link up two different things that you have talked about, and tell you why I think they are connected, and why that's important.
Ideally, you go home and try the changes that I suggest, and come back and we talk about what worked and why, what didn't work and why, and what the next steps are. Sometimes you come back and you didn't try the thing that I suggested, and we talk about why, and we figure out if there's a better next step, or if we just didn't put together a good plan for you to do that thing.
You probably know that there are lots of theories about why people have a hard time, and how to make that better. My training is very traditional and very broad, so that I have worked with most of the major schools of psychotherapy. I came away from that with the idea that we have so many different theories, because some theories work really well for some people, and other theories for others. I don't work with a specific theory or approach, so much as I work with an individual (or couple or group) and what works for them.
So as we go along, I bring in whatever I think is most useful to you, and I adjust what I am doing as I figure out what works best for you.
I also encourage you to give me as much feedback as you can as we go along, which means that I can adjust what I am doing more effectively to be as helpful to you as possible. If you want to know what I think about something, or you want a specific suggestion, or you just think that I should talk more -- or less -- tell me. There is nothing that you can ask me or tell me that I don't want to hear. And everything that you tell me helps me do better work with you, and give you better results, which is what we both want.